Peace is not control

It’s hard sometimes to remember that this very moment is fresh and full of possibilities. But because the familiar is all we know, we often view situations through the coloured lenses of our history and the current state of our nervous system — which can change.

The unknown can feel scary, but isn’t it interesting how we forget that uncertainty is life’s natural state — and that it can hold amazing things we never even dared to dream about? One reason we struggle with this is the state of our nervous system.

The nervous system is devoted to survival and safety. A dysregulated inner state can interpret situations as life-threatening even when they’re not. Before we consciously think about it, we may already be escaping, fighting, or freezing. It’s no surprise if an inner world wired for danger begins to expect it everywhere.

Yoga is a practice of awareness and noticing. What I find especially meaningful is noticing the different modes and patterns we find ourselves in — the ones that can quietly shape our lives whether we’re aware of them or not. But it isn’t only about noticing; it’s also about taking steps toward a more centered way of being and more aligned action.

There’s a lot of talk about “regulation,” and it can easily be mistaken for being calm all the time — running on the beach with the wind in our hair, never feeling angry, sad, or frustrated again. But regulating the nervous system doesn’t mean emotions disappear. In fact, when we begin tuning in and slowly becoming more ourselves, we often begin feeling more. Our emotional palette expands, and so does our capacity to stay with what we feel.

Baby steps matter. I think this is one of the hardest forms of yoga in everyday life — and one that deeply affects both ourselves and others. When we move through difficult emotional experiences, capacity is what helps us stay connected — first with ourselves. Regulation is flexibility. Even with a regulated nervous system, uncertainty can still feel uncomfortable. The difference is that there is enough inner safety to remain open to life.

If we only try to stay calm, we may begin narrowing our lives. If our peace depends on everything going right, that isn’t peace — it’s control. Life will always keep moving and surprising us. And little by little, we can learn to meet it with more openness instead of fear.

Yes, this is all yoga.